


Everything Is Just Fine

by AgentCatt



Series: Lolix One Shot Stuff [7]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9580115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCatt/pseuds/AgentCatt
Summary: Felix is having an internalized panic attack. He doesn't know why or what caused it. Locus has to help him calm down.





	

           Felix was in the middle of making a sandwich for lunch. Key word, was.    
           He stands there, trying to force himself to breathe. He holds himself up, barely. There's only so long that he can focus on his breathing before...   
           Before the complete panic sets in. The anger that follows is never good. Locus should be home soon. He has to get this under control. He has to. He can't just let Locus see him this way. No. Not after he's been so careful to keep this from him. Felix is the strong one. He can't be panicking.    
          That's what Locus does. It's supposed to be Felix's job to calm Locus down. That's how it's been since they got together. That's how it always should be.   
That's how it should be.   
          Four count in. Four count out. He's too vulnerable right now. If he can't calm himself... If he can't...   
          What if he can't this time? What if this is just a show of how weak he's becoming? What if?    
          Four count in. Four count out. It'll be okay. He keeps trying to figure out what set him off, but he just doesn't know what.    
          Slowly, he's calming down. Slowly. Then the door opens. The creak is loud in the quiet apartment.    
 "Felix?" Locus calls out. Felix can't move. He'll fall. His legs have no strength.    
Locus walks into the kitchen. "Felix?" He tilts his head slightly, setting down the one bag. "Are you-" he barely touches Felix's arm. Barely.   
 "Don't touch me!" Felix moves, his legs giving out. He manages to lean against the cabinets, slowing his descent down. He pulls his knees to his chest, hiding his face.   
         Four counts in. Four counts out.   
Locus sits on his knees in front of Felix. "Hey, I'm here."   
 "Don't..." Four counts in. "touch me." Four counts out.   
 "I'm not going to touch you. I'm just going to talk. I want you to listen. Can you do that?" Locus sounds so sincere. So calm. So peaceful.    
        Felix gives a little thumbs up.   
 "You're safe. I'm here to protect you. I'm not going anywhere."   
        Felix has never heard his voice like this. Never.    
 "No one is going to hurt you. I'll keep you safe."   
         Four counts in. Four counts out. Safe. He's safe.    
         After over a half an hour of hearing this, Felix lifts his head. The longest he's had since they got back.   
 "Hey. It's okay."   
Felix nods.    
 "Still hungry? I can finish making your sandwich?"   
         Felix shakes his head. He's not hungry. Not anymore. He can go without eating. Punishment for having an attack. For Locus having to calm him down.   
 "Too bad. You need to eat."   
         He watches Locus get up. Watches him finish making the sandwich. He comes back to where he was in front of Felix.   
 "Eat, please."   
         Felix internally sighs and takes the sandwich. He slowly eats it, trying to keep himself from looking at Locus. He can't even finish it. His stomach is still upset. He hands the rest to Locus.   
 "Good enough," he sighs, getting up to put the rest in the trash. He goes back to where he was. "Do you want to go cuddle on the couch and watch whatever you want?"   
         Felix shakes his head. He shouldn't be treated like this. Like he's broken. No. He's fine...   
         As soon as he can find his voice... And tell Locus that he shouldn't be treating him differently... Or how he should've just left him to calm down on his own...    
 "Do you want me to carry you to bed so you can sleep?"   
         Felix shakes his head again. He wants to cry. He does. He knows he doesn't deserve this kindness. Not after the shit he's said to Locus. Not after the recent jobs being his fault. He doesn't deserve this.   
 "Okay. Then we will stay right here. I'm not going anywhere." Locus moves to sit on his ass, criss crossing his legs. "Can I touch you just for a second?"   
        Felix thinks, then nods. He watches Locus' hand move slowly. It goes to his hair. Oh. It was messed up a little. Locus put the hair strands back into place.    
He retracts his hand. "See, I won't hurt you."   
        Felix nods. He rests his chin on his knees.   
 "How about we go shower. You can make the water as hot as you want."   
Sounds tempting, but, "Can't stand." Felix croaks out. He clears his throat.   
 "Okay. Then we can take a bath. How does that sound?"   
 "Touch?"   
 "I'll carry you to the bathroom and help you into the tub. Then I won't touch unless you say so."   
        Felix thinks about it. He nods almost a full minute later. Locus slowly gets up. He picks Felix up, carrying him to the bathroom. He still loves the touch so much, but he doesn't believe he deserves it.   
        Locus sets him on the sink counter. He watches Locus set up the bath.    
 "Would you," Locus turns back to Felix, "like for me to help undress?"    
        Felix is such a child. He knows this. He takes off his own shirt, throwing it on the floor. He motions for Locus to move over to him. He does. Felix takes both hands and puts them on his waist. He motions to Locus to lift him up. When he does, he quickly pulls off his jeans and boxers. Locus sets him back down, moving back over to the tub, stopping the water.    
        Locus strips, setting his clothes on top of Felix's. He holds out his hands for Felix to take. He hesitates at first, taking them. He slides off the sink counter, taking little steps. He holds tightly when he steps into the tub.    
 "Hot enough for you?"   
       Felix sinks down, with a nod. He's gonna come out red like a lobster. It makes him smile a little as he pulls his knees in to his chest again. Locus sits across from him. Same positions. Different place.    
 "Better?"   
        Felix nods. He likes the very hot water. It's... Relaxing.    
        He continues to fight his thoughts. He likes that Locus doesn't try to make him talk. Probably because he's so tired of it; this silence must be perfect to him. He's silent because he's mad. Mad that Locus was able to get him to calm down. Mad that he was so weak he couldn't do it himself. Mad that his counts didn't work.   
 "Let me tell you something." Locus waits for Felix to look at him. "I love you the way you are. Asshole, maybe. But it pains me to see you this way. I want to help. I want you to talk to me. When you feel upset. I know you've been trying to hide this for a while. I care, Felix."   
       No you don't, he wants to scream. He wants to scream at the world. Every word he just said had to be a lie. There's no way he feels that way. Not about poor little Felix. No. He can't accept this. He can't. He...   
       That's enough to make the tears fall. He looks down at the water. Drip. Drip. So fucking weak. How could he cry? How dare he cry? He's supposed to be strong. Not this weak shit. Drip. Drip. He closes his eyes.   
 "Felix, I mean it. I mean every single word. I love you."   
       Felix hates everything about himself. How could Locus ever love him? How?   
 "Please, believe me."   
       Drip. Drip. He sniffles. He loves him back. He does. He just doesn't know how to say it. He doesn't know how to express it. He just sits there, crying.    
       Time passes by. He's stopped crying. He lifts his head, looking at Locus. Another tear falls. Locus reaches forwards slowly. He wipes the tear away.   
 "I really do mean every word I said."   
       Felix takes Locus' hand before he can fully retract it. He turns it over, looking at his palm. He writes, "I love you too" in cursive.    
Locus smiles. "I know you do."


End file.
